I totally stole this post from Jon Acuff’s blog, Stuff Christians Like. He originally posted it on August 10, 2012. You can take the link below to his site or just read it here. I stole it because I think it is incredibly clever and I wish I would have written it.
(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one by Kevin Karaki. If you want to write a guest post for SCL,here’s how!)
Long ago, a loving father placed both of his children into the Garden of College. He gave them all the software they would ever need, both Vista and XP. But of the Apple, they were not to partake. Under no circumstances were they to own one, or use one. But all other computers were theirs for the asking, and under their dominion. And the father would Skype with his children in the evenings.
One day, that dreaded and hateful of all creatures, the HIPSTER, saw Anna watching him and his iPad. Now the HIPSTER was more cunning that any student of the campus which the father had placed his children within.
And he said to the woman, “Has your father indeed said, You shall not partake of the Apple on campus?”
And the woman said to the HIPSTER, “I have a Vista and my brother has a XP, and I’m going to get a Windows 7 soon, but the Apple on Campus, Father has said, You shall not own it, nor shall you touch it, lest you downgrade.”
And the HIPSTER said to the woman, “You shall not surely downgrade. For your father knows that in the day that you use one your eyes will be opened and you shall be as Steve Jobs, knowing good and malware.”
And when the woman saw that the Apple was good for streaming video and surfing the web, and that the screensavers and toolbars were pleasant to her eyes, and desirable to make one wise, she bought an iPad and partook in its pleasures. She also showed her brother and he partook as well, both with their own iPad. Then the eyes of both of them were open, and they knew that they were exposed to viruses and malware on their Windows Systems. And they attempted to patch together Norton Antivirus to cover and protect their software. Then they heard the sound of their father calling them on Skype at the end of the day, and Anna and Steve attempted to act nonchalant and delayed answering the call. When they did answer, the father asked,
“Where have you been? “ The son answered, “I heard your voice on the e-chat, and I was afraid that I might have a virus.”
And the father said, “Who told you that you might have a virus? Have you partaken of the Apple which I commanded you that you should not?” After they admitted their actions, the father bowed his head with sadness.
To the HIPSTER he said, “Because you have done this, You are cursed more than all students, And more than every beast of the field; On your Civic you shall go, And you shall eat soy All the days of your life. And I will put enmity Between you and the music world, And you shall eat poppyseed cakes; And everyone that you meet Will want to crush your head.”
To Anna he said: “I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your paper-writings; In pain you shall bring Word documents; Your desire shall be for your PC, And Steve Jobs shall rule over you.”
Then to Steve he said: “Cursed is the software for your sake; In toil you shall work on it All the days of your life. And you shall struggle to work with NET technology or ASP. Till you return to the Windows operating system, For the rest of the business and professional world uses it for any job they do; For PC you are, And to PC you shall return.”